As we watch the slow-motion train wreck that Tiger Woods' life has become, I keep coming back to one question:  What is going through his mind now?

 

Is Woods, who is always such a picture of steely calm, control and determination on the golf course, curled up in the fetal position somewhere, moaning over the mess he has made of his life?

 

Or does he somehow fancy himself as something of a victim, as you might infer from some of the comments in the statement he released last week?

 

Judging from the stake-out reports from the tabloids, Tiger is not at his mansion in Isleworth, trying to repair the damage he has made of his marriage.  So, where is he?  Staying with friends?  Holed up in a suite in a posh hotel?  Has he taken refuge on his yacht, which he aptly named Privacy.

 

Have his buddies, like Mark O'Meara, John Cook, Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley, rallied around him, offering aid and comfort?

 

His prepared statement notwithstanding, is Tiger defiant and in the thick of plotting his own defense and return to glory.  If you want a sense of what is likely going on behind-the-scenes in Camp Tiger,  here is a story written by an veteran of PR crisis management.

 

The more this story reveals, the more it makes us all confront the reality that we never really people the way we think we do?  Having witnessed the self-control and self-denial required by Tiger to get to where he got in golf, it is almost inconceivable to see that he had little or no self-control in other, equally-important, areas of his life.

 

It's not difficult to imagine the sense of hurt and betrayal felt by his wife, Elin, but what about his mom, Tida?  For such a strong and proud woman, the profound sense of shock and shame feels must be unfathomable.  And were he still alive, how would Tiger's father, Earl, being handling this?  He predicted that Tiger's fame and his right to privacy would eventually come into conflict, but could he have imagined this in his wildest nightmares?

 

It is also impossible not to wonder how Tiger, who has had 13 years to learn to live with his ever-increasing level of wealth and celebrity, could possibly have been so naive as to wander so lustfully and so afar, leaving a telltale trail of text messages and voice mails in his wake.  Judging from his reckless behavior toward the end, it's almost as he wanted to get found out.

 

Wherever he is, is it possible that Tiger believes he can return to his old life, that he has the charm, the golf game and the goodwill of fans to make this all go away?

 

In other words, can he make us more or less forget, like Kobe did; or is his image forever in tatters, like O.J.'s?

For the past week, my morning routine has been to vault out of bed, put on a pot of coffee, fire up the computer and read the latest batch of TIGER CHEATS stories coming at us from all directions.

 

Once I'm able to pick myself up off the floor, I tap into my network of golf writer buddies scattered around the country.

 

Like you, none of us can believe this whole sorry mess Tiger has gotten himself into.  It's not that we can't imagine Tiger would do such a thing; living the life he has lived could tend to give one an over-developed sense of entitlement and invincibility. It's just that being the control freak he is, we are shocked that that we was so careless and sloppy about the whole thing. Very un-Tiger.

 

We are also not impressed in his taste in mistresses. If he was going to give in to temptation, why not cheat up, not down, with gorgeous movie stars who have as much to lose as he does if it ever got out? 

 

"Why go out for ground beef when you've got filet mignon at home?" wondered Jeff.

 

Today, we turned our attention to THE INTERVIEW.

 

We figure Tiger is going to lie low for a while, even if the tabloids chew on this juicy bone of a story for every last morsel.  Then, Tiger's people will announce that he is going to do one and only one interview on the topic of his 'transgressions' – after that, the matter is closed, so that he can return to the business of repairing his marriage and family life.

 

If we're right, that naturally begs the question of where this inevitable interview with happen?  With whom?  What outlet?

 

Here's how I handicap the contenders:

 

Barbara Walters:  The longtime doyenne of the primetime celebrity confessional interview, she's not right for this assignment.  For one thing, she's got no cred with the Tiger's fans, although, come to think of it, I would pay good money to see that cheatin' dog trying to get a word in edgewise on The View.

 

Golf Channel:  Too risky for an outfit whose revenue stream is dependent on being in bed with golf and with Tiger, with the covers pulled up.  If some sacrificial anchor asked kind of questions America wants asked, he or she, or the entire Golf Channel, could find themselves stiff-armed by Tiger at every tournament from here on out.  Granted, Golf Channel is doing more good stuff these days, but don't expect them to take a big swipe at the one guy in the game they need to keep happy.

 

60 Minutes: I'd be surprised if producers from 60 Minutes aren't already making calls to Camp Tiger. It would be a fastball into their wheelhouse.  But I don't think Tiger or his handlers would go for it.  Too risky for him.  60 Minutes is a legit news operation with a well-deserved, hard-hitting reputation to live up to.  No telling what kind of ghastly text message or voice mail Steve Kroft or Scott Pelley might pull out of his bag of tricks while Tiger's on camera.   True, the late Ed Bradley did plant a big, wet kiss on Tiger a few years ago, but with this fiasco, those days are gone.

 

ESPN:  It's possible.  Problem is, even though it's Tiger who's on the hot seat, this isn't really a sports story.  Of course, if he said something good enough, it could turn up on Top 10 Plays of the Day.  Also, ESPN has the same problem as the Golf Channel when it comes to taking swipes at a guy they don't want to cross.

 

Bryant Gumbel: We're getting warmer.  Imagine a contrite, humbled Tiger being glared at by Gumbel over his glasses, for a segment on Real Sports, HBO's excellent sports series.  Gumbel's got cred with sports fans, and he's got some history with Tiger.  Gumbel wouldn't torpedo Tiger but he would hold his feet to the fire.

 

Oprah: Bingo! If Tiger truly seeks redemption, he must come before the only Cultural Icon who truly has the power to lay her hand on his head and grant absolution.  Of course, Oprah wouldn't happen do that until she had wrung every last unseemly detail and a full confession from his sorry ass, followed by an indignant dressing down by her (see Frey, James) on national TV.  C'mon, really, will America ever be happy until Tiger has groveled at the Alter of Oprah?

Finally.  Thank you, Tiger.

 

Thank you for looking your wife and the world in the eye and admitting, "Hey, I screwed up. I’m sorry."

 

No further details, no further discussion in public is needed.  Oh, yes, there will be plenty more discussion in the tabloids and on websites.  In fact, if it hasn’t already hit the newsstands, US Weekly is about to pile on with details of mistress No. 2 and talk of mistress No. 3.   Whatever.

 

For plenty of your fans, however, the admission you made today is enough to restore a modicum of faith in you as a man.  Time will tell whether you can remain a role model for the millions of kids around the world you have inspired.  What I do know is that as long as you stonewalled and remained silent in the face of all the mounting, incriminating and supremely embarrassing evidence, it was as if you were playing us for fools.

 

To err is human – and, man, oh, man, did you err – but to stonewall is to thumb your nose at anyone who might have it in their heart to forgive you.

 

Now, let’s hope you and your family, and your fans, can get on with the business of healing.

 

One final thing.  Everybody knew you were a player, but who knew you were a playa?  Where did you find the time and energy?  How did you stay on top of your game and on top of...ah, never mind.

 

Frankly, I’ve never been more impressed.

Tiger Woods might be stubborn and he might be arrogant, but he is not stupid.  Which makes it all the more dumbfounding what he is doing right now.

 

It’s one thing to cheat on your wife and make an ass of yourself doing it.  Whether it happened in this case, I have no idea.  But, hey, it happens -- it happens to ordinary people, big-time politicians, movie stars and rich, famous athletes.  The one constant is our demonstrated capacity to forgive and forget.

 

What people will not forgive and forget, however, is what Tiger seems to be doing now – thumbing his nose at the Florida cops, refusing to cooperate with their investigation, essentially telling them to read what he’s got to say on his website, like everybody else.

 

Bad, bad move.  His slick, high-priced lawyer might be advising Tiger that he has the legal right to do that, but he is doing himself a world of PR damage in the process, smearing his carefully constructed clean image.

 

When it comes to crisis management, PR consultants never waver in their advice: Get the bad news out there and out there quick, take your lumps, then move on.

 

In other words, make your screw-up a one-day or two-day story, whatever it is.  DO NOT let it play out like a slow-motion train wreck in the blood-thirsty, ravenous, circus-like media environment we live in these days.  Hey, they’ve time and space to fill and they will – with you or without you.

 

What Tiger is doing now makes him come off like he thinks he is above the law, answerable to no one -- not even to the cops -- immune to criticism and able to live quite comfortably, thank you, in the gilded cocoon he has constructed for himself.

 

Four days into this PR fiasco of his own making we are beginning to see a backlash, certainly in the general media, and now even among sports columnists, who in the past mostly heaved bouquets in Tiger’s direction.  Take a look here, here and especially here, a delicious screed in which Sally Jenkins of the Washington Post accuses him of acting like some kind of separate nation state, like the Vatican.   Of course, the longer Tiger stonewalls, the worse it will get.

 

In some ways, this backlash is not surprising.   From the earliest days of his career, Tiger let it be known that commanding respect and fear meant more to him than popularity.  Let Phil Mickelson be popular.

 

The result, as Tiger is now finding out, is that while we are all in awe of him and his golfing abilities, he hasn’t built up a reservoir of affection and goodwill. 

 

How ironic that in the brief statement Tiger did release, he felt the need to point out that he is not perfect.  Really?  Isn’t that precisely the image he has worked so hard to project for these years?

 

Personally, I hope this imbroglio does not turn out to be the undoing of Tiger.  He is a once-in-a-lifetime talent and not a bad guy at all who has a lot more career ahead of him.  Wouldn’t it be nice if he came to his senses, did the right thing, then got back to the business of rewriting golf’s record books.

 

Anyway, whatever he’s done, we’ll forgive.  We always do.

 

 

 

 

So let me get this straight:  Only hours after the National Enquirer hits the grocery store checkout lines with a story alleging that Tiger Woods is running around on his wife, one of the most coordinated athletes in the history of sports crashes his SUV into a fire hydrant leaving his house, then plows into a tree in his next door neighbor’s yard – at low speed, alcohol not a factor. 

 

At 2:25 a.m., in the wee hours after Thanksgiving.

 

And his wife, Elin, is not far behind – with a golf club in her hand.

 

Is it just me or do you also believe the charmed life if the No. 1 golfer in the world is about to get less charmed?

 

I know, I know, over the coming days Tiger and his small, smart circle of advisors are going to do everything possible to smooth over this little, shall we say, bump in the super highway that has his life to date.

 

They will likely offer explanations for everything -- explanations that many of us will want to believe about the heretofore squeaky clean former nerd.   But um, ah, good luck trying to put this leggy and sultry genie back in the bottle, Tiger.

 

Already, of course, the gossipy celebrity-oriented websites (and even mainstream media outlets) are howling with all kinds of reports:  That Elin confronted Tiger about the story in the National Enquirer; that she, not the crash, caused the scratches and lacerations on his face; that Tiger was essentially fleeing the house when Elin came out swinging the golf club, trying to tee up her husband.

 

Plausible, all of it.

 

As it happens, on Thanksgiving Day, when I stumbled across the first whiff of the  National Enquirer story on the internet, I drove straight to the nearest grocery store and bought a copy.  Headlined "Tiger Woods Cheating Scandal," the story is stripped across the top of the tabloid.

 

Inside, in a two-page spread, the Enquirer identifies the alleged mistress Rachel Uchitel, who it describes as a 34-year-old "New York party girl" with a "reputation for dating married celebrities."

 

The Enquirer reports that Uchitel, who works as an events planner, was previously involved with  "Bones" star David Boreanaz during his wife’s pregnancy but that she ended the relationship in August.  By then, said the Enquirer, Uchitel was already bragging to her friends that she was involved with Tiger.

 

The tabloid quotes a supposed friend of the mistress’, Ashley Samson, as saying Uchitel told her she met Tiger in May at a club in New York where she was working.  She gave him her phone number and, by June, she told Samson, "Tiger Woods is blowing up my cell phone with messages."

 

The most damaging accusations in the story come for Samson and another supposed friend of Uchitel, who the Enquirer says both passed lie detector tests.   Here are pertinent excerpts from the story:

 

"I’m sure Tiger thinks Rachel is staying quiet about their affair, but she’s told lots of people," Ashley Samson – a close friend of Rachel who passed a polygraph test – told The ENQUIRER.

 

"Rachel told me,’ I’m having an affair with Tiger Woods.  We’re in love!"

 

"I’ve heard him while she was talking to him, and recognized his voice.  They kept saying stuff like, ÔI miss you so much! I love you."

 

"The first time I heard about Tiger from Rachel was when she got a phone call and said, "Oh, it’s Tiger.  I’ve got to take this." I asked, "Tiger?" She said, "Tiger Woods."

 

The Enquirer reports that when Tiger recently played in (and won) the Australian Masters, Uchitel also turned up in Melbourne at the same time and checked into the same posh hotel in which the golfer was staying.  The tabloid presents a photo that it says is Uchitel checking into the hotel, but it’s too grainy to say for sure whether it is her or not.

 

When confronted, reports the Enquirer, Uchitel insisted she was in Melbourne on business, that she was there with her boyfriend, and denied carrying on an affair with Tiger.  Later, the tabloid said, she changed her story about traveling with a boyfriend but said she was in town on business.

 

The tabloid said Tiger’s attorney also "vehemently denied the affair."

 

Later, the Enquirer reported, Uchitel told friends, "It was a nightmare!  The Enquirer followed me to Australia, and I only got to spend one day with Tiger..."

 

In the hours since Tiger’s accident, several reporters have reached Uchitel for further comment.  She has again denied any affair with Tiger.  She also said Samson is not a friend but a woman she has barely knows, who was paid $25,000 by the tabloid.

 

You buying any of this? 

 

All I know is that I can’t wait for Tiger’s next press conference.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For Stu Ingraham, the dream of making the Champions Tour next season has given way to reality.

 

Despite his best efforts at Q-School, currently underway in Scottsdale, Ariz., a Top 5 finish and a full exemption for 2010 is not going to happen, nor will there be "conditional" status for finishing between 6^th and 12^th in the field of 78.

 

Tied for 40^th through three of four rounds, at best, if he shoots 66 or 67 in Friday’s fourth and final round, he’ll crack the Top 30, meaning he can Monday qualify for Champions Tour events.  It’s not what the six-time Player of the Year in the Philadelphia PGA Section had hoped for but, as he said yesterday, "I didn’t embarrass myself."

 

Full leaderboard here.

 

Ingraham, former longtime head pro at Overbrook Golf Club who now teaches at M Golf Range in Newtown Square, got off to a good start this week.  In a field full of graying PGA Tour pros gunning for a new leases of life, Ingraham shot 2-under 69 in his first round at TPC Scottsdale’s Champions Course, tying him for 23^rd.

 

His downfall was the second round, when he shot 3-over 74 and more or less had a meltdown after a ruling by a rules official that he believed was dead wrong and damaging to his chances.

 

It came at the 10^th hole, when his approach shot plugged in its own pitch mark above a bunker – or at least he thought it did.  Before dislodging the ball, Ingraham consulted his playing partner, who wasn’t so sure it was plugged.

 

They called over a rules official, who also wasn’t convinced the ball was plugged in its own pitch mark.

 

"I said, "Oh, I get it, my last name is Ingraham, it’s not Curt Byrum or Wayne Grady," he said, naming a couple of Tour pros in the field.  "I was so mad, I couldn’t see straight.  So, now I chunk it, make 5 there, bogey the next hole and lose a ball on 13."

 

After a night’s rest to cool off, and despite a balky putter the next day, Ingraham managed to shoot 2-under 69 again Thursday, for a 1-under total through three rounds.  But it’s too little, too late.

 

Still three months shy of his 50^th birthday, the obvious question is what Ingraham learned this week that might serve him well in a second run at the Champions Tour next year.

 

"What I have learned is that when I’m playing good, I am as good as them," he said. "I hit it farther.  But when I struggle with my putter, or when I hit a couple of bad shots, I tend to not score, where they grind it out.

 

"They’ll  shoot even par or even 2-under when they aren’t doing anything special, where I might shoot 2- or 3-over.  You can’t do that.  That’s what I’ve learned."

 

Post Script: Ingraham shot 74 in the final round, finishing tied for 46^th.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I read my colleague John Huggan’s screed (see Featured Stories) about Tiger Woods’ lackluster performance in the interview room at the Australian Masters, I laughed out loud.

 

I agree totally with Huggan, a blunt-spoken Scot.  Sometimes, it’s almost as if Tiger wants to be a bore bordering on boorish.

 

With a golf club in his hand, Tiger is the best, now or ever.  You’ll get no argument here.   He’s an artist, a magician, a golfing Hercules -- and the hardest-working man I’ve ever seen.

 

But put a microphone in his hand, or a camera in front of him, and this man of steel too often morphs into a mealy-mouthed muttonhead.  

 

I cannot tell you how many times over the years I have walked out of a Tiger press conference shaking my head, trying to think of something he said – anything – worth quoting.  The guy can shoot a 64 that is a work of art to seize the lead in a major championship, only to put you to sleep describing it in his post-round press conference.

 

And that’s on the easy stuff!  Try to pin him down on a truly controversial issue or topic – race, politics or, say, whether he thinks Augusta National Golf Club should admit a woman member and this tiger becomes a lamb.

 

Contrast that to the closest thing he has to a rival these days, Phil Mickelson. Phil is as bold with a microphone in his hand as he is with a wedge.  He’s smart, quick with a one-liner and he fears no topic.  Ask Phil the tough question, then get ready to take notes.  Best of all, Phil is willing to show you he’s human, whether its talking about his wife’s breast cancer or his often futile efforts to tame Tiger.  That’s part of what makes Phil such an appealing character and fan favorite.

 

Not Tiger. He’s super-human on the golf course and almost too perfect off it.  Mr. Invulnerable.  Personal stuff?  Don’t bother asking, because you won’t get much.  He is the master of speaking for 20 minutes and revealing nothing.

 

Of course, from Tiger’s perspective, why should he say or do anything remotely controversial?  To do so would only potentially jeopardize the open spigot of money that pours in from his corporate sponsors -- more than $100 million a year.  But would it kill him to be a little colorful or off-the-cuff?

 

As Huggan noted, Tiger’s lack of candor and lack of effort wouldn’t be so frustrating if he was just some dumb jock.  But he is not.  He’s quite bright.  He was always an outstanding student, including the two years he spent at Stanford before turning pro.

 

And if you hang around the golf circuit long enough, you get to see glimpses of Tiger in a more relaxed mode --- enough to know that he does indeed have insights into and fully-formed opinions about things, even if he won’t share them.  He’s nobody’s fool.

 

He adopted the zipped-lip policy, if you will recall, in the wake of a story in Esquire magazine soon after he turned pro.  The youthful  Tiger told a few off-color jokes, which turned up in the story.  The writer wanted to show that Tiger did indeed have a lighter side; Tiger was more concerned with guarding his image.

 

Shocked, and apparently feeling betrayed, Tiger learned his lesson.  Never again.  Since then, no more hanging-out-with-Tiger stories.  He does formal press conferences during which he is cordial, if guarded, and never controversial.

 

That’s not to say there isn’t the occasional lapse or misstep, mainly because Tiger is always "on."  Remember a few weeks ago, at the first of the FedEx Cup playoffs, the Barclays at Liberty National Golf Club in the shadow of the Statue of Liberty?

More than a few of the players made snarky comments about the course, which was designed by former U.S. Open champion Tom Kite.  Tiger was no exception, although his criticisms were not made publicly but rather in a off-the-cuff remarks during to a business executive during the pro-am.

 

"Maybe Tom did this course before his eye operation," Tiger reportedly joked, referring to Kite’s laser surgery.

 

When the executive blabbed to the media, Tiger’s joke that was the most cited quote all week.  Everybody loved it.   Everybody except Tiger.